Song: You Are What You Love
Artist: Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
Album: Rabbit Fur Coat
the crush and I have been watching Survivor, which is something he got me on board with again after forgetting about it since the fourth season or so. we’re currently breezing through Palau while we Skype and yell things at our TV/computer and
sometimes get drunk. a few nights ago, after watching 4 or 5 episodes, we finally talked about Us.
I’m not sure how or why we started talking about it, but it was the first time either of us had ever acknowledged anything that had happened between us in the last 3-4 months of my internship. I’d been crushing on him since roughly early September and we became friends with benefits by early October. whenever we’d make out or wind up cuddling on the couch or doing any of the other things that are covered by “with benefits,” it had always felt like we had silently agreed to not talk about it.
so from October to January, we were friends with benefits. and while my feelings for him were developing, I was feeling like it was a little one-sided. I felt like I was indicating to him that I was interested, that I wanted this to be something official. but I never knew how to bring that up to him, or to bring up that we had some things to talk about so we could figure out what we were.
from October to January, we’d hang out all the time, go shopping, I fixed his towel rod in his bathroom after he broke it. we went on unofficial dates to the movies, to one of the fanciest restaurants on Disney property. he comforted me when the reality of my leaving Disney was becoming overwhelming. I helped paint the walls of his living room. he recently invited me to be his +1 at a wedding in Dallas. we were essentially, in my mind, boyfriends. but I chose not to label ourselves as such because that would just complicate an already-complicated situation, especially when staying on full-time was looking less and less like a thing that would happen.
so a few nights ago, when we were talking about Us, he finally said that the feelings were mutual and admit that he, too, thought of us as boyfriends and he, too, didn’t want to label us for fear of making it super complicated. which, of course, makes it pretty complicated.